Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
