SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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