U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
