She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
