He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
