I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize