I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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