Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
