it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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