those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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