I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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