A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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