I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize