Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
