So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize