Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
