So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
