we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
