You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
