He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
