He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize