Soap is not a condiment
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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