Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
how does that bad decision feel?
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