i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
