Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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