some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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