From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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