I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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