NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
