I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
