we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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