Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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