Screwed.edu
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
