it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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