Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
