i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
