actually, I'm a sock model
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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