oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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