I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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