I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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