STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
