I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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