Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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