The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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