I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
