I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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