Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
