im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
