dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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