don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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