maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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