I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
