How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
