he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Randomize
