i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
