..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ladies don't puke and tell
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
