the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize