i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
