I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
