just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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