I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
