She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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