maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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