Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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