Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
