Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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