yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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