Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
