he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
